Two great friends

Ok so this was from a scene challenge – http://tobiasmastgrave.wordpress.com/2013/05/15/scene-challenge-of-the-week-89/

The link has the image and rules i had to follow. I wont write them as this is long already 😛

 

Silence ruled the sanctuary so completely.

People knew to be hushed here.

The very paintings admonished loud sounds.

All sounds except whispering of prayers.

Sometimes joyful sounds filled the air.

Now was a time of peacefulness.

Stillness seeped into everything and everyone.

The wind outside even ceased howling.

Those entering respected this unenforced quite.

Footsteps careful, muffled, yet echoing uncontrollably.

Embarrassed owners soon found their seats.

 

Silence was rarely gone from here.

It was not a sleepy silence.

To the priest it was blessings

To the children a great burden.

Each of their fidgets met disapproval.

Light filtered slowly through the windows.

It seemed unwilling to break the silence.

One child gazed at the coloured glass.

Thoughts of boardum replaced by silent joy.

 

Silence is the sanctuary’s great companion.

It follows each curve of buttresses.

It clings to each ornate wall.

The sanctuary caresses and loves silence.

The two have long been friends.

The priest thou quite often speaks.

Separating for a time these friends.

Together again at the end of prayers.

 

Sanctuary prefers silence to the songs.

Both grudgingly agree, songs must stay.

Both glad silence is far greater.

So different to the rumble outside.

There noise is triumphant, silence hides.

Constant drone of vehicles and man.

Here it is peaceful and calm.

A sanctuary for all from the chaos.

Man created this noisy, hectic life.

Here they run from their creation.

Does God forgive their great foolishness?

Sanctuary has no way to know.

 

The soft glow of light dwindles.

Those remaining now leave the church.

Alone the priest kneels in prayer.

Night grows heavy, silence grows strong.

Not even the whispered prayers remain.

Man is silent, dreaming peaceful dreams.

Silence is joyful, Reining all-powerful.

The sanctuary misses peoples awed gaze.

Misses the purpose it was made.

To bring people to their God.

please let me know what you think, iv never written so many short sentences or such a long piece.

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5 thoughts on “Two great friends

  1. I’m a great believer in silence. (Apart from the Silence on Doctor Who, of course, but that’s a different matter.) I think in a previous life I might have been deaf. That’s why I always have a spare pair of earplugs on standby.

  2. I like the concept here! You’re subject matter is intriguing. I’m not entirely sure how I feel about the format though. It feels kind of like you weren’t sure whether it should be prose or poem and wound up half-way in between. There are also a couple of places where you seem a bit jumpy from one sentence to the next. This isn’t a huge problem overall, you’re generally pretty good as creating smooth transitions between your sentences, which is one of the hardest things about the short sentence challenge. Creating a smooth flow instead of bullet points can be very difficult and you do a fairly good job at it, but your second major section especially has some flow problems.

  3. thank you so much for this feed back. i found the flow soooo hard as i’m one to use very long sentences. I completely agree they became to jumpy but i couldn’t see how to change that without longer sentences, i may come back to this later today and try improve. i wanted to create prose but my mind kept writing poetry i was trying to fight the urge to rhyme. Thank you again for reading and commenting i really appreciate any advice and will work on this again soon.

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